1 | šŸ†

Please write more. -susylindskov

A few months ago, susylindskov left a comment on my previousĀ blogĀ (12:16).Ā I clicked on herĀ username and it revealed pages of love letters from a mother, to her son. One after the other were blogs filled with vulnerability, honesty and trial.Ā I couldn’t findĀ the words for a proper response, so I wrote this instead.

I scream,
to mute the voice from within.
I eat,
to swallow the fears that hide beneath my skin.
I drink,
to distort the dreams that await.
I smoke,
to rush the beating of time.
I detach myself from you.
Because I don’t want to deal with this, right now.
I’m scared.

Don’t be.
This too shall pass.
You will heal,
And fear will be a distant memory.
You will scream,
to exert your passion.
You will eat,
to enjoy the fruits of this world.
You will drink,
to quench the thirst of your soul.
You will smoke,
to breathe life into your lungs.
And you will live, because I’veĀ chosen to love you.
I attach myself to you.

Unconditional. -Finding Alfred

7:30 PM,Ā 3 months later, I have found 2 words -thank you.

6 Weeks and 1 Day, Ago

Remember when we were young and our parents would tell us, “you can be whoever you want to be.” Does that still stand today? Hello btw, its been a while. I’ll catch you up in a few seconds, but for now, hello.

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What if they were High School sweethearts, and life just had to happen. Their dreams detoured, to make room for a new destiny. Its humbling to think our parents were at the same place we are in, just a few decades ago. How did their journey go? Did they achieve what they set out for? I used to believe we had perfectly laid out stories that were beautifully written and all we had to do was, “live.” But to be honest, I don’t know.

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I auditioned for “American Idol” exactly 6 weeks and 1 day ago. I wasn’t accepted. I waited 10 hours, stood for 8, had a flat tire and developed a cold. “I fought like a mother, though!”

I wanted to write my story, I was going to be the next American Idol. Unfortunately, life happened. I was directed to a vague idea of my present moment. I was confused, “I still am.” But maybe this is my present moment, writing this, while realizing my struggles have shaped the person I am today.

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All is, that is. -FindingAlfred

8:55 PM

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4:10 PM

At my brothers…
I was frying garlic to start of a dish for lunch.
My mother was preparing the meat a few feet away from me.
Suddenly.
My heart.
It dropped so far down my stomach I felt sick.
The room started to get so small I couldn’t breathe.
It all started to fade.
I stormed towards the window.
Inhale.
Exhale.
I’m good.

Panic attack. -Finding Alfred

6:50 PM P.S. Stop focusing on the sad, the happy has been waiting for you to take its picture.